Running through fear

2018 03 14

I jumped and bounced out of frustration. Shouted ”I’m sick and tired on that Iran run, now I want to move on. I’m ready, it’s time for something new! ”. They looked a little surprised, my colleagues that I planned a workshop with. Maybe not because of what I said, but the way I said it. I had a little froth around my mouth. For a few days I bumped around, angrily, did not understand why. Until one evening when I was standing next to the bed, I surprised myself by thinking ”I’m scared”. The curly nerve threads smoothed out, everything turned calm. It was strange to feel how the peace spread in the body, only because I understood the feeling. Tomorrow, 15th of March, the book ”Running through fear” is released. And yes – that’s me. I am running through fear, again.

A song that I like, is Barbara Streisand’s and Celine Dion’s duet ”Tell him”.  I like how their voices contrast to each other, but I also like the text

”I’ve been there,

with my heart out in my hand

but what you must understand

you can’t let the chance

To love him pass you by ”

I listened to it when I had difficulty sleeping on the train up to Christmas celebrations in Piteå. I had just given my bodypumptrainer, as I had been interested in for two years, two movie tickets as a Christmas gift together with the words ”you’re welcome to bring me if you want”. He thanked so much and explained carefully that his partner would probably not appreciate it.

Now I stand again with my vibrant, warm, naked heart in my hand, and hold it out. In the book I have laid down so much of my soul and my heart, it is so much me. Now it’s going to be public. Maybe people will not like it or maybe nobody cares. Maybe it will warm the heart on someone. It may be well received.

I do not know what the future will bring. But one thing I know – I keep holding out my heart in my hand. I’m not going to let the chance to love pass by.